Why Your Dog Isn’t Listening (And Why That’s Okay)

How to rebuild communication when your dog “tunes you out.”

Mar 26, 2025

There’s a moment every dog person knows:
You call your dog—once, twice, maybe three times—and they just… don’t come.
Or they do, but only after sniffing the grass, greeting a stranger, or pausing to ponder life’s mysteries.

It’s easy to feel ignored. Frustrated. Embarrassed, even.
We think: They’re being stubborn. They’re blowing me off. They should know better by now.
But what if the issue isn’t defiance?
What if the problem is the way we’re interpreting their silence?

Listening Isn’t What We Think It Is

In human relationships, “listening” usually means eye contact, nodding, or some kind of verbal response. It’s social and contextual. But dogs don’t “listen” in that way. They don’t understand language the way we do—not abstractly, not emotionally, and definitely not under pressure.

When your dog doesn’t respond to a cue, it doesn’t mean they’re ignoring you. More often, it means they’re experiencing sensory overload—because dogs live fully in the moment, and that moment might be packed with other information.

That squirrel they spotted? The sound of another dog down the street? Your tone shifting from friendly to anxious or angry? Other sensations are overriding their ability to tune in—they’re already processing something else.

Why Your Dog “Ignores” You

There are a handful of reasons dogs don’t respond the way we expect:

You’re not using the cue consistently. “Sit” sounds different when you say it once with intention versus repeating it over and over—Sit... sit... SIT! It’s like asking someone to pass the ketchup: Can you pass the ketchup? The ketchup. THE—KETCHUP—NOW.
You’ve changed your tone. Dogs absorb our emotions. If you're stressed, frustrated, or anxious, they feel it—and may think there’s danger. Say it too sharply, and it’s a warning. Say it too softly, and it might not register.
Your body language is off. Facing them directly, leaning forward, or staring can appear threatening to a dog—even if your words are inviting.
They’re too stimulated to focus. A dog in a heightened state (fear, excitement, frustration) isn’t in learning mode. They’re in survival mode.
They’ve learned the cue doesn’t always pay off. If “Come” sometimes leads to being leashed or left alone, they may hesitate—because they’ve come to associate the word with a negative outcome.

None of this means your dog is untrainable. It just means the message didn’t land—and there’s always another chance.

Stop Measuring Success in Obedience

It’s tempting to equate a “well-behaved” dog with a “good” dog.
But obedience isn’t the goal—it’s a byproduct of bonding..

When your dog feels safe, seen, and understood, they want to cooperate. Not because they’ve been conditioned like a robot, but because they trust you.

That doesn’t mean they’ll instantly and flawlessly respond every time. It means they’re attuned to you—and you to them. It means you’re both communicating in a way that makes sense.

Reframing What It Means to “Train”

Training isn’t about commands—it’s about shared language.

Think of it less like drilling obedience skills and more like teaching English as a second language. You're not just saying words—you’re building associations. You’re helping your dog connect this word to this moment to this outcome.

Like any language, it takes time to learn. It’s all about tone, context, repetition, and clarity. And most of it should feel fun—like a game you’re playing together, not a test to pass.

So What Do You Do When Your Dog “Doesn’t Listen”?

Pause before repeating. Repeating a cue over and over can turn it into background noise.
Check your tone and posture. Soften your body. Use an inviting voice. Turn slightly sideways if needed.
Practice cues when it doesn’t matter. The less pressure, the more learning sticks.
Redirect their attention. Call your dog in the direction you want them to go—not at them—and toss a treat or toy as they get to you to celebrate the moment, shifting their focus as you redirect their energy.
Make the reward worth it. If coming to you ends the fun, why would they want to? Offer something better than what they’re leaving behind.

Listening Is a Two-Way Street

Sometimes we expect our dogs to tune into us while we’re barely paying attention to them.

We call them while scrolling our phones. We issue directions without looking. We expect compliance without connection. But dogs notice that. They feel when we’re half-present. And they respond in kind—sometimes by not responding at all.

When we start listening to them—to their body language, their hesitations, their excitement or fear—they start listening to us.

The Bottom Line

Your dog isn’t giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.
And just like people, they need patience, clarity, and grace to find their way back to focus.

The next time your dog doesn’t “listen,” take a breath. Look at the environment. Check your own energy. Then try again—gently, clearly, kindly.

Because the goal isn’t a perfectly trained dog.
The goal is a trusting partnership.
And that’s something worth listening to.